love what you love

Thanksgiving 2006

I liked today.  I didn't get out of bed until 9:30 then transferred myself to the couch until noon.  My friends who have been literally all over the world for the last 9 months called and we caught up.  Then my neighbor informed me that she'd been picking my rosemary plant for the last year and then told me she owns an Italian restaurant in the Clinton area and offered me a free pizza.  This pizza will probably have rosemary essence picked from my side yard.  To think my rosemary plant has been feeding people for the last year makes me happy. 

I went to the office to work for about an hour then meditated up in the sanctuary upstairs from my office.  I drove around for fresh chicken for the dog to find that all the good stores were closed.  Then I came home and cooked a feast for Dusty and I finishing just in time to join Katie's family for dessert at her house.  Upon entering her house, Katie's mom Paula told me that I'd never believe what they were doing..I felt a twinge of excitement and waited to hear.  They were watching bull riding which didn't seem too surprising at all for some reason.  Not that they're a family of bullriders nor even rodeo people, it just seemed like something cute that they'd be doing after Thanksgiving dinner.  The desserts were delicious; a chocolate pecan pie to die for balanced by a pumpkin pie made with black strap molasses (for good health) also divine. 

I came home to kick it with the dog some more and to begin the tremendous task of de-cluttering my house of a decade's worth of papers and crap that I have been lugging around with me since college.  The easy part is recycling all the old notes that I will never use again.  The hard part is creating and organizational system for the stuff I want to keep.  Eventually these things will also be thrown away, I am just not ready to do it.  I worked on it for about an hour then watched an annoying episode of Grey's Anatomy.  I swear, Christina Yang is annoying.  Sister has got to represent and grow a backbone so that she's not so co-dependent with her unappreciative (yet so hot!) boyfriend Burke.  The episode was awful because this secret tore a lot of people apart.

So I wanted today to be a day to be thankful for and it has been.  I have wonderful friends, a delightful neighborhood, a career that is about to go off, people that care about me and people that I am crazy about, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, dreams that are coming true, and the most amazing dog in the entire universe.  She has been the most solid, most loyal, most reliable, and most loving presence in my life. 

I am truly blessed.

Fuck You Fucking Fuckheads

I had therapy today.  I have a fantastic therapist.  She has what I call a great "doctor" face meaning I can bust out with the most shocking and crass thing and she keeps her composure as if hearing about dreams of rabbits giving each other blowjobs is the most normal thing in the world.  "What's it like to be a rabbit, Livia?  Go ahead and be one."  Therapy is definitely not a place for the faint of heart.  Where else in my life do I go to a place and willingly talk about my most vulnerable spots and then pay someone for it?  At one point in the session I told my therapist that I feel like I should be mad at my parents for their indiscretions and she said, "Tell me what that would sound like."  "What do you mean?" I asked.  "Like 'Fuck you fucking fuckheads,' " she replied, "or something like that?"  This is why my therapist is the best because how did she come up with that?  That's exactly the thing I want to say to my parents, or should have said to them growing up.  Fuck you, fucking fuckheads.  I love how that sentence doesn't say anything yet perfectly describes 15 year old angst at the same time.  Don't get me wrong, I love my parents but some people just aren't ready to be parents because they themselves haven't taken the time to take care of themselves and figure out how it works for them.  If my parents had been taken care of themselves as children and so could impart a safe and tender environment for their children, or had entered parenthood with awareness of what is ok to expose a child to and what is not ok, would I have turned out the same?  Who knows?  I'm not super mad at them anymore, I have done a ton of work and I have moved forward with my life and strive to be as present with myself as possible.

Still, if the angry 15 year old Livia ever turns up in all her 15 year old wisdom, those magic words will come out of her mouth with fierceness and a smile.

"Fuck you fucking fuckheads."

That'll show them.

 

I Drank Three Cokes

Hi.  I drank 3 cokes today.  Three! I don't know what happens to me when I leave Portland.  Maybe all hell breaks loose and I go on a food/drink rampage of filth.  My first coke was on the flight down to Burbank.  My second coke accompained a Big N' Tasty meal deal from McDonald's (McDonalds!!).  And my third coke I ordered with my delicious Chinese food dinner. 

I am going to hell.

An Earthquake in Stumptown

The news just reported the preliminary magnitude of the earthquake to be 2.7.  That's teensy!  The news guy showed the viewers the seismograph and the tiny disturbance that was our earthquake.   First rain and then un temblorito.  Wee.

I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet

It's 9:34 on Sunday night in Portland and I think I just felt an earthquake.  Sometimes a big truck driving by might feel like an earthquake but this one lasted about 15 seconds with no truck in sight.  Maybe it was my neighbor doing construction on his house at all hours.  Stay tuned for more.

It Rains in Portland

When you hear about the rain in Portland, for the most part, it's a strong drizzle.  Grey skies stick around for about 7 months of the year so much so that when the sun even pops out for half an hour after months of grey (it's called a sunbreak), it feels like the world is right again, if only for a few moments.  Portlanders seldom bring umbrellas with them because the rain is rarely so strong as to cause much real drenching.  Well lately, it has been raining.  I mean umbrella-worthy rain.  What gives, man?

I've been watching Sunday night TV this evening, mostly cartoons--back to back Simpsons episodes and these other cartoons (Family Guy--so damn funny!) and feeding Dusty treats.  Dusty has got a hard life eating treats all the time.  I don't know how she does it.  Here is a picture of us from 1992 when I first got her.  She's so tiny, only 6 months old here.  I am 19 years old in the picture.  Dustylee is the cutest!  EVER!

This other picture is of her after she was growling at a toy so much her teeth dried up and her lips were stuck to her teeth.  Try it, it's fun.  Dry your teeth off and then roll your lips to your gums.  Take a picture and send it to me.  For real.

Sorry for the previous long hiatus.  I have been busy recovering from iron deficiency and Krista and I have been getting our office space together and it really has been something.  There are a lot of things to think about when going into business, all the furniture, medical supplies, and office supplies.  How do I do the books, do I get a separate business account and credit card?  How about a credit card machine?  How will I market my business?  After hammering out all those details, how do I want to focus my practice?  We learned so many modalities at school, had so much clinical experience treating numerous conditions, what is it that gets me excited?  So while getting the office proper ready, I have also been checking inside on how it is I want to practice.  The office is pretty much ready but am I?

Stay tuned, beautifuls.

 

Boiled Chicken and Rice

Last Thursday I woke up and found that Dusty the Lovedog could not stand up.   Her front legs were working but her back legs would not.  She was in distress and breathing heavily.  I looked at her and began to panic.  Was she in a lot of pain?  Did she have a stroke?  Was she dying?  Was there something I could do to alleviate her discomfort?  I held her and cried because I didn't know what to do.  I was really scared.  I got her up and found she was able to stand on all fours albeit wobbly.  She kept rolling forward on her back feet which pointed to a neurological etiology rather than a bone or muscle problem.  When things like this happen, I always wonder if she is literally dying right in front of me or if I am over-reacting.  I decided that she was not dying but she was really uncomfortable. 

The doctor felt she probably ruptured a disc in her back and that was pressing on some neurological structures affecting her back legs.  He gave her a steroid injection to reduce the inflammation with the idea that the inflamed part would back off her nerves and she would be able to walk again.  I really liked that idea.  The idea of steroids doesn't get naturopaths very excited but this was a quality of life issue.  If I did nothing, she would likely get better but it would have taken a lot longer and the amount of pain the injection would prevent far outweighed the side-effects of the steroids.  Within hours, Dustylee was up and walking.

Now the side-effects:  the steroids ripped through her GI system causing her to bleed from her stomach.  I figured this out from the black diarrhea she was having every 2 hours.  Poor little mama.  She also became very thirsty and very hungry.  I got more medicine from the doctor to coat her stomach and under his recommendation decided to feed her boiled chicken and rice.  This part made her wild.  She loved her new diet not surprisingly and started getting crazy with me, dancing in front of her bowl and showing me to the fridge constanly to feed her.  I liked this new behavior because it meant she was feeling better and besides she is so cute and I love that damn dog so damn much, I will do anything to make her happy.  I'll feed her boiled chicken and rice for the rest of her life if it makes her wild with desire.

I think about Dustylee's eventual passing on from this physical life into whatever happens next for her.  I think about it quite often.  It makes me realize how complex but really how simple life actually is.  The people we love are all going to die one day.  We're all going to die.  What else should we be doing but loving each other?  Sometimes it can be as simple as boiled chicken and rice.